


some kind of disaster

by nobrainjustchiakienstar



Series: melancholy kaleidoscope [2]
Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Friendship, Light Angst, M/M, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Stalking, Unreliable Narrator, Unrequited Love, time for Just Mayoi Things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25730767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nobrainjustchiakienstar/pseuds/nobrainjustchiakienstar
Summary: Mayoi loooooved watching people.Most of the time it didn't really mean anything, he just liked watching the other idols at ES try so hard... One was particularly intriguing though, and Mayoi first saw him practicing when he was actually about to find a different unit to watch for the evening.Ah, just thinking about watching him made his skin crawl... mostly with guilt.♧Mayoi learns how to navigate some new, kind of terrifying feelings for someone who hardly knows he exists.
Relationships: Ayase Mayoi & Kazehaya Tatsumi, Ayase Mayoi/Sengoku Shinobu
Series: melancholy kaleidoscope [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1816795
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	some kind of disaster

**Author's Note:**

> i've been sitting on this draft too long... i meant to put this up for the mayoshino birthdays but uh. it started getting longer and longer and now it's a series so whoops
> 
> anyway mayoi is one of my favorite characters to think about but he's so exhausting to write... but i wanted him to have something nice, he deserves it

Mayoi loooooved watching people.

Most of the time it didn't really mean anything, he just liked watching the other idols at ES try so hard, offering help and encouragement in the form of cryptic notes dropped from the ceiling when he was feeling particularly charitable. Sure, he had _preferences_ \-- watching the cute little ones clumsily learn dances that were probably too complex for their still-growing limbs to execute was _definitely_ more fun than watching the older groups who had years of practice -- but he wasn't exactly picky when he couldn't control who would be in what practice rooms and when. A gross opportunist like him didn't have a right to complain, anyway.

When springtime came and ES was suddenly bustling with new leadership and new units, Mayoi couldn't help but be excited to watch them too. Of course, he was also unfortunately dragged out of the walls like a disgusting rat, tossed into school and forced into a unit of his own before he even had a chance to learn the new units’ practice schedules and choose his new favorites, but _still_! Interacting with people was still absolutely mortifying, so Mayoi spent as much of his time under the floorboards and in the walls and ceilings as possible.

Plus, with the rule that allowed Yumenosaki students who also worked at ES to skip school if they were working on idol activities, Mayoi could use “practicing” as an excuse to go back to his favorite pastime, even if he felt gross about abusing the rule so much to not even practice. He could say he’s working on some new choreography, right?

Within a week of school starting, he had some new favorites. Not that he knew many names, but there was the little pink one in the ES president’s unit, a _whole unit_ of little ones who seriously just seemed to make it their goal to just be _cute_ , and of course his own little blond unitmate was up there on his list. Ah, just thinking about watching them made his skin crawl… _mostly_ with guilt.

One was particularly intriguing though, and Mayoi first saw him on stage but (luckily!) found him again when he was actually about to sneak off to watch a different unit for the evening.

The unit in the practice room below him was practicing peacefully. They were experienced enough, though Mayoi couldn't help but notice that there was a strange gap in their choreography, something he would have dropped a note about if it didn't seem so intentional. The cause of the gap was explained when the little purple-haired boy Mayoi recognized burst into the room, visibly sweating and out of breath as if he'd been running to get there.

Mayoi forced himself to look away before his thoughts could wander, scolding himself for appreciating that this unit’s little one showed up so disheveled. _Disgusting, you're disgusting! Go back underground where you belong!_

From his spot above the room, Mayoi heard the little one offer a rushed apology for being so late, his speech oddly formal for talking to friends. Mayoi peeked through the vent again, hoping to get a better look.

The rest of the unit decided to take a break when the little one arrived, it seemed. The tall blue-haired one offered the little one a water bottle, which he took with a little bow. Mayoi didn't care too much about the idle chitchat between the members, but he perked up when the quietest one -- he'd be easy to ignore if he weren't so lanky, definitely not the type Mayoi paid attention to -- asked if the little one had been arguing with the student council again.

“I just think that, as treasurer of the student council, I should have a say in how clubs are allowed to promote themselves _degozaru_ !” Mayoi bit his lip to stifle the sounds wanting to come out. He wanted to _cry_ , this little one was so _cute_!

The lanky one sighed, shaking his head. “Shinobu-kun… you're still trying to make the Ninja Association a thing, huh?”

Hmmm? Ninja Association? Mayoi noted to look into that some more whenever he ended up going back to the school… which would probably be sooner rather than later.

The little one, Shinobu, started fidgeting, and even from the vent Mayoi could see his face was tinged with a lovely shade of red. ( _Don’t you dare! Disgusting! You’re nasty!_ ) “Isara-dono said that if I am unable to recruit at least one more member by the summer I will not be able to promote Ninja Association at the summer festival, and I may be forced to disband it…” Shinobu trailed off and his blue-haired unitmate stroked his hair comfortingly. Mayoi swallowed down the jealousy that knotted in his throat. It was absurd to be _jealous_ anyway, he could never be worthy of _touching_ someone so cute! “I just wanted to put up fliers, or make an ad for the school’s broadcast system. No one knows about my Ninja Association _degozaru_ …”

Mayoi tasted blood when he bit down on his lip too hard. He turned away from the vent, not trusting himself to stay quiet if he kept watching.

 _Well,_ he _certainly knew about the Ninja Association now._

“Uh…” the lanky one spoke up again, “maybe avoid videos this time? You know what happened last time, Shinobu-kun.”

“The video was fine though?”

“N-nngh… I want to die remembering it…”

Another voice Mayoi recognized as the unit leader’s suddenly echoed around the room. “Don’t lose hope, Ryusei Yellow! I’m sure you’ll find a new member. Now, we should get back to practice, we have a lot of rehearsals to make up for!”

Mayoi heard the other members mumble agreements and the familiar sound of the song they’d been practicing before Shinobu arrived started playing again, so he shuffled back to the vent to study them.

At some point he stopped trying to _not_ stare at Shinobu.

_Ninja Association, huh?_

~♧~

Mayoi _knew_ it was stupid, and revolting, and really, _really_ wrong to want to join the Ninja Association just because the club leader was cute. _More_ than cute, Mayoi could hardly stop thinking about him and even caught his mind wandering to places he didn’t want to acknowledge, because thinking about how he could taint Shinobu was decidedly _gross_ and he should feel bad for thinking of ruining someone so innocent and adorable and _small_ and…

_Disgusting! Disgrace!_

So what if Ninja Association and tracking down its leader were the main reasons Mayoi actually willingly went to school? He had to go at some point anyway, right?

It was surprisingly hard to track Shinobu down. Mayoi couldn’t exactly _ask_ anyone where he was, since he’d surely let slip the things he secretly wanted to do to Shinobu and no one in their right mind would hear those disgusting things and _willingly_ tell Mayoi where to find him. Too many students were put off by Mayoi’s appearance anyway; approaching anyone without frightening them was already difficult enough with his tall build, sickly-pale skin and jagged teeth, looking like a creature dragged from the depths of a lake more than a student. Mayoi couldn’t blame them for being intimidated.

Normally Mayoi wouldn’t struggle to find someone on his own anyway, and knowing all of the secret passages around the school certainly helped. The biggest problem, however, was that Shinobu was just _too busy_. As soon as Mayoi heard from an eavesdropped conversation in the student council room that Shinobu had broadcast club duties, he snuck to the AV room to find that he’d just missed his target, a club member turning off equipment for the night and locking the door. Rinse and repeat.

He just had to get quicker, pay closer attention to learn Shinobu’s schedule.

Following Shinobu during classes was completely out of the question. They couldn’t talk then, even if Mayoi worked up the nerve to approach someone so _precious_. After classes was the best bet, if only Mayoi could corner the busybody.

Wait no, not _cornering_. Cornering him would be bad. And way too creepy, even if Mayoi had definitely thought about cornering the smaller boy so he couldn’t run as Mayoi reaches out to touch--

_No no no no no! Nasty! You don’t deserve to touch him!_

Mayoi followed Shinobu for close to two weeks, not only trying to work up the courage to talk to him but also collecting information, and the information he gathered about Shinobu just made his infatuation _worse_ . Not only was Shinobu _obviously_ adorable, he also had a cute personality and Mayoi was done for. Shinobu always had places to be, people to see, and Mayoi was sure that he’d never seen Shinobu _not_ getting along with someone. He had anxiety, Mayoi had seen him have small panic attacks between tasks and wished he could do something to help like Tatsumi does for him, but revealing himself to Shinobu then would undoubtedly just make the panic worse for Shinobu -- seeing a monster suddenly crawl out of a hidden passage would scare anyone, after all.

Mayoi was running out of time to ask Shinobu about joining his club, summer was fast-approaching, but every time he thought about even getting to talk to Shinobu his stomach would flip and he swore he was going to be sick, his heart rate increasing to a point where he was sure it was concerning. Thinking about Shinobu in general was starting to do that to him, and Mayoi was sure it couldn’t be good for his health. At least he hadn’t collapsed… yet. He probably would if Shinobu smiled at him.

The first time he managed to approach Shinobu face-to-face was an accident, Mayoi was turning a corner near the tea garden trying to find wherever Shinobu and his orange-haired friend had ran off to, nearly crashed straight into the smaller boy as he was rushing by with a stack of books, and Mayoi _did_ collapse.

_Hopeless._

~♧~

“I could drug him,” Mayoi mused, drumming his fingers on the floorboards, “he’d be easier to approach that way.”

Tatsumi looked up from his notebook to give him a blank stare, his face expressing nothing, yet Mayoi felt a wave of shame crash over him anyway.

He hid his face in his hands, rambling, “I’m not _actually_ going to do it! Just thinking about it... but not as a planning thing, I swear!”

“Mayoi-san.”

Mayoi slid further back under the bed, suddenly glad that Hiiro and Aira were out for the afternoon. Having Tatsumi witness what went on in his head was already bad enough, and having the other two present would just make Mayoi want to slither back underground for the rest of the summer so they’d never have to interact with him again.

He kept his face hidden so he couldn't actually see what Tatsumi was doing, but Mayoi heard the familiar sound of a notebook closing, followed by some shuffling and a long, awkward pause.

“Mayoi-san,” Tatsumi called gently, his voice closer than it had been before.

Mayoi uncovered his face to find Tatsumi lying face-down on the ground next to his bed with his head turned to peer into Mayoi's hiding spot. Mayoi yelped in surprise, no one had ever bothered to _look_ _at him_ while he was hiding -- anyone else Mayoi came into contact with (and even that wasn't exactly a lot of people in the first place) just ignored his anxious habits and weird comforts, chalking them up to be just bizarre Mayoi-isms. Mayoi didn't move from his spot, avoiding eye contact with Tatsumi as his unitmate's expression grew more uncomfortable under the sympathy.

"Mayoi-san," he called again, stretching out a hand under the bed just close enough for Mayoi to grab if he wanted to, but far enough away that it wasn't invading his space. "I believe you, I have faith you wouldn't do anything to harm-- what was his name again?"

Mayoi stared at the offered hand for a second before hesitantly grabbing it. Tatsumi squeezed comfortingly, silently thanking Mayoi for accepting his offer. "Shinobu-kyun,” he answered quietly. He buried his face in his arms.

“Shinobu-san, hmm?” Tatsumi rubbed Mayoi’s gloved knuckles with his thumb. Mayoi wasn't fooled, Tatsumi’s memory was amazing; he surely remembered when they'd seen RYUSEITAI perform and exactly when Mayoi developed his (gross, unacceptable, _creepy!_ ) infatuation with little Ryusei Yellow. “Would you like to tell me more about him? I’d love to know how you're feeling, Mayoi-san.”

Mayoi knew that the question was just a bait to get him out from under the bed, that it was in Tatsumi’s best interest to get up off the floor as soon as possible because surely the position wasn't good for his leg, and he suspected that Tatsumi was just getting tired of Mayoi’s antics and perverse fantasies and wanted him to confess to his horrible sins to damn him to thousands of lifetimes in hell… or something. Even though he believed all of this, and that he deserved to be shamed, Mayoi obliged, first mumbling into his sleeve about how cute and small Shinobu is, then continuing to shyly tell Tatsumi how he’d tailed Shinobu through his schedule and how he’d learned about the Ninja Association, and before he knew it, Tatsumi was gently pulling him out from under the bed as he word-vomited about how hardworking and diligent Shinobu is and how hard that made it to approach him. 

Tatsumi hoisted both of them to their feet with a pained groan, but didn't interrupt Mayoi’s infodump, not that Mayoi could have stopped at that point anyway, even though it was surely far more information than Tatsumi had expected or even wanted. He coaxed Mayoi to sit on his bed with him, getting comfortable for the lengthy conversation as he stretched his aching leg out on the mattress.

After several minutes and countless encouraging sounds and hand-squeezes from Tatsumi, Mayoi finally ran out of steam and covered his face with his free hand again.

“Sorry, Tatsumi-san,” Mayoi whimpered, shaking slightly, “that was a lot. You probably think I'm disgusting for… all of that.”

Tatsumi shook his head and reached to pull Mayoi’s hand away from his face. “No, Mayoi-san. Thank you for telling me all of that.” Mayoi truly felt like he was in some kind of confessional now, sitting cross-legged on Tatsumi’s bed and awaiting judgement for being a _disgusting stalker_. “You know a lot about Shinobu-san now, huh?” Mayoi shut his eyes tightly and chewed the inside of his lip, his jagged teeth tearing at the skin there.

Judgement never came; instead Tatsumi asked simply: “You have a crush on him, don't you?”

Mayoi couldn't believe he hadn't figured it out on his own, or at least hadn't put two and two together. He thought a lot of people were _cute_ , Tatsumi was even someone he would consider not-quite cute but definitely attractive, even though he was bigger and taller and not Mayoi’s usual type; Mayoi never really wanted to be near all of them as much as he wanted to be near Shinobu though, and he certainly was never as intimidated by the others as he was by Ryusei Yellow.

Mayoi let out a sound that was close to a sob and leaned forward to rest his head on Tatsumi’s shoulder.

“I do.”

**Author's Note:**

> stan alkaloid
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/shiinyniki)
> 
> (i get really passionate about mayoi, please feel free to ask me about him and how i'm interpreting him because i'll be glad to answer!)


End file.
